Pulling and editing a piece from my old archives:
If my success at being a wife and mother were measured by my ability to maintain an empty laundry basket, hubby and the boys would need to start interviewing for my replacement. The times you have seen my house nearly spotless, had you looked downstairs, you’d likely find piles (and I mean piles) of dirty laundry overflowing from the baskets and more piles of clean laundry piled atop the dryer. This morning, I have three loads of clean laundry waiting to be folded and put away, while the laundry basket remains overflowing with socks and shirts of all sizes. I don’t know that I’ll never get used to, or be less overwhelmed by the amount of laundry a house hold of five consumes. And let me tell you, I’m not exactly looking forward to adding baby’s laundry to the mix. My inability to stay on top of it often leaves me feeling like a failure and a clean house with laundry stacked high in the basement like a fraud. I am discovering how difficult it can be to remain in the healthy balance between being obsessive compulsive about the laundry and being careless and irresponsible. I think it is that way with a lot of things actually. Sometimes I have to take a step back; laundry and all else aside, what am I relying on for my worth and identity? While in a sense we are all frauds; battling the the sinful nature in our hearts, I must consider any images I intentionally attempt to portray of myself that may not be true of who I really am. It has been a challenging process; on one hand I would really like for my laundry to be done all of the time, but on the other, it never is; so which then should I portray, the person I strive for and hope to become, or the flawed and and mess of a person I really am? Who is the more secure individual- the one who displays confidence in her ability to become what she strives for, or the one who is comfortable in sharing her imperfections? Should I dress for success, or if I have none, should I stay in my jeans?
Now that I am a small business owner, this battle between my two selves seems all the more important to address. Good thing I’m a WAHM, no one can see me when I toss out the suit and the jeans and opt for my jammies!