I never have a clue when I’m about to get in a fight with my wife. Well, slight correction, I have plenty of clues that I’m in trouble. I just never know what led up to me receiving those clues. I should though because while I do plenty of things that annoy her, there’s really only a couple things that cause such tension in her that I push her into “not going to put up with it anymore” territory.
You’d think that a wise and intelligent man like myself would figure it out and avoid those things. Alas, either I am incapable of changing my behavior or I am neither wise nor intelligent. As I often reluctantly confess to my wife: I consent to you now that I am, in fact, capable of changing my behavior. This is depressing; it means I am neither wise nor intelligent and as a result cannot figure out how to avoid doing things that totally piss my wife off.
In all seriousness though, it is depressing to me that I so consistently do things that are hurtful to my wife. Whether in absentmindedness or blatant disregard, I do the things that I do not want to do or often do not do the things that I know I should do.
No one likes to think of themselves as selfish, but this is what I am: a selfish man. And any time it’s pointed out, I respond with self-righteousness and/or anger. And in the midst of my self-defense and building myself up, I even know that I am not right. Yet I will not relent, often hurting her more in the process.
May God help me to see myself for what I am and grant me both the humility to admit it and the grace to change.
