Where do I even begin… It’s been a crazy last couple of weeks. In the midst of preparing for this trip to Ecuador, our studio has finally been picking up and I have been busy everyday, we had our garage broken into and things stolen out of it, one of the boys friends shared pornography with our children (There’s a future post coming about that), and there has been a death in my family that has been pretty rough for my parents. Talk about opposition. Here I am supposed to be going to care for, love on, and provide for orphans and my own family seems to be floundering around barley able to identify up from down right now. Not even a week ago I was so ready to call the trip off. In addition to home stuff we have yet to raise all the money for the organization we are traveling with and my awesome team of eight has dwindled down to five and we humbly approach the organization with fewer numbers and not enough money…
At one point I was pretty convinced that we weren’t actually supposed to go on this trip at all. And maybe we weren’t. No joke, every time Stephen went to purchase our plane tickets something went wrong. He’d get through the process only to be redirected and informed that there were no longer five seats available, or the ticket prices would sky rocket. Seriously… every time. Finally he had someone else find and try to book tickets and Stephen would give him our card info. to pay for them. The guy found tickets, at a price we could all afford, and began to book them. When he got to the confirmation page he realized that he had accidently booked six seats instead of five and had to change that… at which point the prices shot up AGAIN. Not even kidding. After that I totally thought that it just wasn’t meant to be and I had the ever so humbling conversation with the organization that we may not be joining them in Ecuador.
I think that was part of the journey. If you know me well, you know that I have struggled most of my life to be known and accepted. Only recently have I believed that I always was. But still, from time to time I desire to make a name for myself, and I have to admit that this trip had a faint scent of just that. I wanted so badly to have an awesome team and raise tons of money and have everyone see how great it was that I could accomplish this. But you know what… I’m not great at all. Not without Christ. And every time I attempt to build my Babylon He is gracious enough to knock it down.
We are fewer in number and in order to go on this trip I have to commit to raise or earn money when I get back. But today, I feel really good about it all. I feel relieved that the cat is out of the bag… I’m not amazing… I’m just a girl. But it’s OK, because God IS amazing. Those of going got together last night and prayed and God reminded me that this trip isn’t about me or my family or money or the number of people going… It’s about Him. It’s about an opportunity to love in His name.