I’ve learned very well how to hold a grudge. It always seemed like the best way to guard myself against others. But as I have become an adult, one can only imagine how this has played out in my marriage, in my friendships and in my relationship with God.
I had to wrestle for a time with my understanding of forgiveness, and even after God made it clear to me His unconditional, unending and unchanging forgiveness of my sin, I have continued to struggle with the forgiveness of others. And while I thought that I was choosing the “easier route”, it became more and more difficult to live with the welling tangle of blame and displeasure that held captive my heart.
A few weeks ago I was sitting in church and by the end of the sermon became paralyzed with conviction and then by the releasing of that tangled web. When I try to explain exactly what happened that day words can not entirely express. And when I sat beside an old friend and she asked me to forgive her, for the first time there was nothing to forgive. No list of wrongdoings or hurt feelings. No question of how to respond. It was gone. And as I embraced her I saw her again, for the first time.
And since then my desire is for more of that.
My sin is no less. And my worth comes from Him. It always goes back to that. I am valuable because He says I am and in His son I am a new creation. How minor are the things we do in comparison.
I don’t know if any of that makes much sense to anyone else… but this is the journey that my Savior and God, in His great mercy has been walking me through.
“Life is not mainly about the things we do”, but about the ONE who created it.