Though we are wasting away…

I originally wrote portions of this for City Church Stories, where I definitely post more regularly these days… anyhow, wanted to share it here and expand a bit…

Life doesn’t always go as planned. In fact, more times than not we find ourselves navigating curve balls and blazing into a crashing halt. Things aren’t alway easy and effortless. Following Jesus is sometimes the more difficult decision to make. We don’t always get to know the answers. Sometimes we have to wait… and wait. Regardless of how bad we want it, how good it seems, how diligent we’ve worked or how much we pray, sometimes we just have to wait.

Sitting, watching, praying. Hoping, breathless, wondering. Fearful, anxious, weak. Tear stained eyes, a meek whisper to the Lord. Oh, be still my soul. Do not loose heart. Though this is hard…

…though our outer self is waisting away, Our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Remind me… remind me that the Lord is good. That he works out all things for the good of those who love him. That his ways and thoughts are higher than ours. Let me not be surprised by the fiery trial. Oh, that I may be content in my situation, abounding in any and every circumstance. Let us remember beloved, that God is our salvation…

… I will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2

We are submerged in a season of waiting… waiting to go, waiting for answers… health, pregnancy, finances, insurance… Working hard to trust His good and perfect timing. Two weeks ago I waited in the hospital with Trent. His whole sweet life he has struggled for good health and I’ve cried many fearful tears worried about what might be wrong. Doctor after doctor, test after test and a ghastly amount of needles and pricks and blood work. This specialist and that… no one had any answers. Headaches, joint pain and swelling, diarrhea, constipation, vomiting, divots in his teeth, shallow roots, stomach pain, rashes, fatigue, trouble concentrating, lagging development… He pretty much spent his first six years chronically ill. Finally, we threw our hands up and decided to try a diet change. Eliminating gluten has significantly increased his quality of life.

And then he got sick again… like he used to. His body pretty much tried to shut down. His blood pressure sky rocketed and all we could do was pray and wait. Last week we finally received some answers. During his hospital stay I requested that they test for celiac disease and the results came back positive. We had no real clue that what we called his “gluten sensitivity” was actually an autoimmune disease that has been eating away at his intestines creating impossible conditions for his body to properly absorb the nutrition it needs.

On one hand, I mourn the years lost that his body hasn’t been able to function completely. I feel like an awful mother… we’ve never (until Whole 30) eliminated gluten entirely and we never worried about cross contamination or even recipes with small amounts. In fact, we’ve even allowed him to indulge in birthday cake and wheat filled treats on “special occasions” and we all just accepted his stomach issues as unfortunate, yet an inconvenience we were willing to endure. On the other hand, I rejoice at the diagnosis. There is comfort in knowing, drive for understanding and hope for his future. I am so so excited to begin a new chapter in his health.

Through this suffering God has taught us so much about our bodies and has lead us to rely ultimately on Him as our great physician. As we press on and navigate this diagnosis we’ve been challenged to examine all of our health and take more seriously the food we consume. (Currently researching the GAPS diet and gearing up for another round of Whole 30.) It’s crazy to think that even our food is killing us. It’s beautiful to reflect on the promises of eternity. As Trent has mourned the thought of a lifetime without donuts, we have encouraged him with the redemption and healing and joy and feast that awaits him. As our outer selves continue to perish, Oh Lord, lead us to take hold of the joy that is set before us…

No matter the trials we face, even the tiniest ray of hope can deliver us from despair. Every morning His mercies are new. He has redeemed us and called us by name. This is not accidental. Let us give thanks in every season for a thankful heart leaves no room for complaint. Count it all as loss. For the worth of knowing Christ surpasses it all.

Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation. Psalm 91

Published by Tiffanie Lloyd

I am a detail-oriented and energetic multi-tasker traveling at the side of my best friend, and momma to eight amazing kids. God has gifted me with creativity; I'm an entrepreneur, writer, and photographer with a passion for women's health, particularity in childbirth. I'm a Parenting and Childbirth Educator, Doula, Breastfeeding Counselor, and working toward certification as a Holistic Nutritionist. Thanks for stoping by! Be sure to check out my archives, and sign up for notifications about new posts!

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