Broken leg, broken heart

Oh, thank you. Darci is doing better today. She broke her fibula and tibia On Monday. They prepped for surgery right away (so scary), but thank the Lord (and thank you for praying with us) the orthopedic surgeon decided to just sedate and manually put things in place.

A little giggle juice, and she laughed and began to drift to sleeep as they wheeled her away. Longest 40 minutes ever! We were so thankful for our other kids being picked up and for a friend who came and distracted us with Starbucks.

She’s casted from her thigh to her toes. She had a rough time coming out of sedation, which was super scary (thank you for praying during that too), but got through it and got to come home. Wheelchair came yesterday. Managing the pain isn’t easy, and she had a reaction to the meds, but she’s doing mostly well. She’ll have an X-ray next week to see how things are. For now… three days on the couch, elevating and not moving.

She was chasing a lizard (of course)! It went behind a big planter box under the front window of the house. Turns out, the box was not mounted and was simply standing on two bricks. When she tried looking behind it, it toppled over and landed on her leg. The thing weighed about 200 lbs. We’re sorry for Darc, and yet thankful it wasn’t one of the smaller kids, or a neighbor. And God is teaching us all… she was cautioned by her brother and daddy told her to stop. It’s no ones fault, but we have known that God wants to reshape our families boundaries of safety and obedience, before moving overseas.

If you know Darci, you’ve probably experienced one of her amazing hugs! She makes friends (big and small) wherever she goes. This has been evident these last two days and she and our family has been well loved… meals are being provided, groceries came just after carrying Darc into the bathroom to find that we needed toilet paper (such a simple thing, but so from the Lord). Folks washed dishes, fed kids, brought coloring books, and installed a dishwasher. We were thinking we’d ask our supporters if it would be ok to spend money on a month of rent here so that we don’t have to figure out moving in with friends these last weeks, but in his abundant grace, the Lord has provided to both ease our finances, and, we will be staying in this house until we move.

As we had been asking God what to do with our extra weeks here… Stephen pointed out his provision in not having purchased our tickets, since now, they would have had to be changed. We see him allowing restful time at home as a family, and are thankful to be so close to fully supported that we won’t have to spend all our time scheduling meetings, but can focus on Darc, each other, and what God might be doing.

Though we can point to some of God’s graces and goodness, I’d be lying if I said everything is OK. I’m hurting. I’m confused that the Lord would allow this. Every time she cries in pain, longs to be anywhere but laid up on the couch, fears whether or not she will ever heal, mourns the things she is and will miss out on… that feeling in my gut returns; that ache that seems to penetrate me right down to the core. I remember this feeling. I felt it when our family walked through something even more grevious with the boys, I felt it with every miscarriage, I feel it when relationships are truly hard, I feel it when Stephen and I can’t figure out how to be on the same page, I feel it when I see the disappointment on Trent’s face each time everyone around him enjoys a yummy gluten filled treat, I felt it as a little girl each time we were tossed in the back of the car in the middle of the night to flee from the evil, I felt it as a teenager whenever I tried fill the emptiness and flee from the pains of the past, I felt it last month when I walked through those prison gates with only an ID and had to be patted down before I could visit with my father who I hadn’t seen in over 20 years, I felt it a couple weeks ago when Stephen carried our young friend up that hill as he cried out in agony and his ankle was clearly broken… in theses moments, the joy in my heart seems buried in rubble and chaos and fear and the air heavy and the future unclear. I want to run, or just crawl into my bed where no one can find me. I want to question God, but I’m afraid to. I want everything to be right, but I know it isn’t. This is what it feels like to suffer. This is the messed up broken world that we’re all navigating. This is what He came to save. This is what the Lord is redeeming.

I don’t have the answers and I have no more understanding than I did yesterday, but, I’m willing to see what there is to be thankful for. I’m willing to ask him how this too can bring glory to his thrown. And as his love consumes the suffering (which I know it will, it has before, it’s how this whole life works), I look forward to looking into my daughters bright blues eyes with the confidence to tell her that everything will be OK, that everything is OK, that God is working out his good plan in and through each of us, and that there is much to be thankful for.

Published by Tiffanie Lloyd

I am a detail-oriented and energetic multi-tasker traveling at the side of my best friend, and momma to eight amazing kids. God has gifted me with creativity; I'm an entrepreneur, writer, and photographer with a passion for women's health, particularity in childbirth. I'm a Parenting and Childbirth Educator, Doula, Breastfeeding Counselor, and working toward certification as a Holistic Nutritionist. Thanks for stoping by! Be sure to check out my archives, and sign up for notifications about new posts!

2 thoughts on “Broken leg, broken heart

  1. As someone who broke arm, leg, collar bone, nose, fingers, and elbow, I feel for Darcy, poor thing. I also feel for you, Tiffanie. I gave my mother grief. That’s what happens when you have active children. My love goes out to all of you. HUGS! Robyn


  2. Praying for you all! Such a painful injury, we know what these breaks can be like … our grandson Teagan broke his Fibula ( it was a collision on the playground at pre-school … he and a kindergarten boy ran into each other and the impact caused his bone to twist, splinter and break). He was in a bodycast for nine weeks … at 3 years old and being autistic , we all struggled with this sweet boy’s pain, his inability to speak and communicate his pain threshold and what would make him comfortable, as well as our inability to break through his autism to comfort and console him. Tears were constant and so were our questions. Were the teachers irresponsible? The school? When will Teagan get better, when will he walk again, will he ever be able to tell us how he is feeling, why this autism … LORD WHY??? Why Teagan???
    The Lord brought us ALL through this trial ….not unscathed …. but trusting and we really are still learning how to handle Teagan’s autism, keeping him safe, will he ever be able to tell us what he is thinking, feeling , yearning for? How will you use us Lord and how will we serve you Lord as we take each day walking into the autism abyss, so many unknowns … the unanswered needs , questions, the uncertainty of it all!
    But with each day , though Satan would like to see this boy, this family , this future ruined ( and believe me…there has been much brokenness) …. Teagan is thirteen now … the leg long since healed and life’s victories are evident and vibrant and alive because Jesus lives … regardless our many questions that remain unanswered…He lives in us … He allows us to err, He picks us up when we are broken and He sets us back on course. He forgives us again and again and again … He sees value in us regardless our age, our maturity, our immaturity …. HE leads and is in control. Each day new in His goodness and love and His journey He has set before us! Faithful we must remain for in our faithfulness Jesus is in the forefront and Satan is trying to catch up! OHH but guess what, do NOT let Satan beat you up! Because our Lord will give you victory… you may not feel very victorious as you go through this healing process but do not give in to despair ! You just need to hold on to Him (through faith) who will up-lift you, guide you and place you on that perfect path as only God can! Prayers are lifted up dear friends! Blessings !!!


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