These last weeks have been exhausting, and emotional. A few days before moving out of the house I found myself feeling defeated; crying over a stack of luggage weighing far too much. I didn’t realize that it would be just as difficult this time around; pairing life down into 50 lb. boxes is brutal… apparently, no matter how many times you do it. I’m thankful for friends who brought dinner, because, yeah. I’m thankful for friends who came and helped me pack, or helped us move boxes, or took the kids so that we could get things done. I’m super thankful for my friend whose house I showed up at one morning when she was still in bed, and I was in tears, and she let me just cry for a minute into her pillow. The emotional weight has been heavy. I think the excitement of something new may have cushioned the blows the first time. But now, I’m not naive to the hard things, and the luster of a new adventure has worn, and I know the pain of leaving community, and the season of loneliness ahead as we build new relationships, and the realities of landing in a new culture… and counting the cost is far more tangible this time around.
All the boxes are stacked now, and we eventually got through all the difficult choices, and I have two boxes in storage labeled “bring to Nepal” and filled with all the things we couldn’t fit… And even though we know that these worldly possessions will fade, it’s still not easy to leave stuff behind. Last Friday we moved out of the rental that was our home for the last six months. We’re living out of our carry-ons and staying with friends. We have two weeks left in Texas and our days are busy, and full of our favorite people, which, in some regards eases the approaching reality… but also, there are those moments when we’re enjoying life with people; making fajitas and homemade tortillas, or the kids are running around with their friends barefoot in the rain, or putting on performances, or lunch turns into dinner or dinner rolls into midnight… and then, we realize that this will be the last time, for a long time. The goodbyes are inevitable. And we all feel it.
We’re about to make a two week trip up North to see my family before we go. During the trip we’ll be making a stop for a college tour, and as we’ve prepared to move to Nepal, we’ve also been preparing to send our first, not only to college, but back across the world. It was a different ballgame when we sought to move overseas the first time and none of the kids had even finished Middle School. I’m not sure I’m ready to be separated by continents. And he’s wrestling with the realities of being that far away. More cost.
If you see photos from out upcoming road trip, and it looks like life is wonderful and filled with adventure; it might be, but we are paying a price too. We are kinda homeless, have little that we can call our own, and are mourning losses beneath our smiles. I know it’s worth it. And there is much to look forward to. It just doesn’t make this side of things easy.